Friday, July 11, 2003 - day 2 - from LJ
So, this is my first entry in my new health/weight-loss/whatever journal... Woohoo?

L (my girlfriend) and I joined Weight Watchers together on Wednesday, although she's going to meetings and I'm only doing the online stuff. I don't think I'm going to go into the personal details behind this decision right now, since they'd take forever to explain.

Anyway, I joined up on Wednesday and entered in my weight as 250 pounds and my goal as 140 (even though the suggested goal on the website was 113-130). This means that my 10% goal is 225, and my points range is 28-33. The thing is, I weighed myself the next day and realized that I'm just slightly under 250 pounds, and that means that my points range is actually 26-31... Oops. I've decided to just let it be at this point, try to aim for 28 points a day (the middle of my actual range and the bottom of my official range), and deal.

My $6 scale is also less than super reliable... So I may get a new one.

I think I'm going to make it a practice to post my daily points total, but not the breakdown of the points (that's what my weightwatchers.com journal is for), with the exception of recipes that we find that we really like. For the record, out of my goal of 28 points:

• Wednesday - 22 points (many of these were junk, since I didn't join until dinnertime)
• Thursday - 19.5 points
• Today - 15 so far, with 8 planned for dinner and 4 more planned for my late night snack -- I'll actually make my points today!
• Banked 1 point on Wednesday for walking at school, which is good because tomorrow we're going out for both lunch and dinner.

Obviously, I'm a crappy eater. I've always had trouble eating full meals. Add this to the fact that I'm borderline hypoglycemic and this is not good. Being on WW is going to be a big help in terms of eating meals, but I'm a little nervous about getting enough to eat at meals and still having enough left over for snacks when my blood sugar gets low. I prefer the idea of eating 5 or 6 small meals instead of 3 big meals, but that's really tough on this plan... If I'm going to eat 28 points a day (which I'll be doing until I get my 10% goal), I can divide that in 6 and have some 4 and 5 point meals... That's almost no meals that include meat of any kind! All the steak, chicken, tofu, and shrimp stuff I could find was at least 6 points, and most were 7 or 8... I'm so bad with protein... I think I'm going to have to try to rely on a lot of fruit and veggie (like sugar snap peas) snacks and just have big meals. Yuck.

So that's that. So far, I'm a little frustrated and hungrier than I expected to be, but I'm still glad we're doing this. Lots of work ahead. If I can lose 5 pounds a month, though, I'll be at my goal in just over a year and a half, and I think that's reasonable. I've been very overweight for almost 10 years, and officially obese for about 4, so a year and a half is nothing... Right? Right...

Saturday, July 12, 2003 - day 3 - from LJ
Ugh, I don't know where to start. Today was... hard. We went out for my grandma's birthday, and even though my mom is (sort of) on WW also, she picked a restaurant with practically nothing we could eat. L and I finally ended up splitting a half a roasted chicken and mashed potatoes. With all the oil and butter, even though we only ate half a cup of the potatoes and about 1/8 of the chicken each, our lunch amounted to 7.5 or 8 points. Then, on top of that, we had plans for dinner tonight with my friend C, and she picked Chinese food. We managed to scrape through that with about 12 points each.

What ended up saving us was that another friend, J, called us to ask us to go shopping with her for her boyfriend's birthday present. If she hadn't done that, we would have been sitting in the apartment all day and it would have been really hard not to snack -- even if it would have been on fruits or veggies. Being out with J helped so much... I did drool over things people in the mall were eating, but I wasn't very hungry (thanks to a sugar snap pea snack) so it was fine.

We ended up telling J that we started WW. She's such a good and supportive friend, and on top of that, we go out to eat with her a lot so it helps that she knows. She's good to us, though, and it felt very safe to tell her. Over time, I'm sure we'll tell more and more people, but for now... Yuck. Not so much.

Anyway, it's now almost 11, which means it's about our bedtime, and I still have 5 points to eat (plus I earned 1 activity point today). I think I'm just going to have to accept that I won't be able to make my points every day. I know it's healthier to eat that much, but I just can't do it... I don't like the idea of not having any points left at the end of the day, and I eat when I'm hungry, so why do I have to eat extra points?? It seems counterproductive... I know that on Wednesday, I'm going down to the 26-31 point range and then I can be eating only 26 points a day if I want, so I'm not going to push it too much.

I did find something that's very not good for me that I want to have now... J had a chocolate coffee cooler from Caribou and she offered me a sip... It was soooooooooooo good. I have to figure out how many points that is (I don't think Caribou is listed on the website because it's fairly local) and have one once in awhile. Yum.

I think this is a good time to start a list of the good points foods I really like...

• Smart Bacon -- a lovely meatless bacon that is 1 point for 2 strips. considering that I don't like real bacon at all, it's really nice that the substitute I do like is so few!
• Whole wheat waffles. Yum.
• Whole wheat toast with a tiny bit of peach low-fat yogurt spread on it like butter. Gooooooood stuff.
• The peach and gorgonzola salad recipe on the WW website, but with romaine instead of arugula.
• Surprisingly, the Smart Ones ravioli florentine.
• Strawberries dipped that luxurious creamy fruit dip from Byerlys (fully worth the 3 points for 2 tablespoons)
• Sugar snap peas, for 0 points.

That's that. I don't ever want to go out for 2 meals in 1 day again... Plus, greasy food just isn't very satisfying in small portions and without dessert afterward. So now I'm gonna force another point or two and go to bed.

Monday, July 14, 2003 - day5 - from LJ
So yesterday was the day... I nearly went crazy because I couldn't munch, so I started getting really pissy about certain aspects of this plan.

My major grievance is that eating a full 28 points requires me to eat a lot more and more often than I used to. I'm using WW as an aid to stop eating junky foods so often because in all honesty, I don't like the way my body feels when I eat crap and I've been trying to go healthy for a long time now. I was so excited that I could cut out all junk food except the occasional craving. But having so fucking many points to kill makes it hard to eat reasonable portions of healthy (and therefore, low-points) foods.

Last night after dinner and TWO desserts, I still had 6.5 points left. I ended up eating a bowl of this chocolate stuff I like to put on my ice cream -- 2 tablespoons for 5 points. It was the most food I could stomach. I was totally fruit-ed out (having already had several servings of it). Doesn't this seem self-defeating?

I mean, I know why I need to make my minimum... I was a peer counselor and know all kinds of things about eating disorders and your body thinking you're in famine and eating it's own fat and whatever. But dammit... I feel like I'm going to get used to eating this much food just in time to have my points cut down. Grf.

So that was yesterday. I'm glad it's over and I'm glad that I have somewhere to be today.

Oh, one thing I learned this weekend -- it's going to be worth saving points to have a Caribou Coffee chocolate cooler. Yum.

end 09:27 a.m.

More of the same today... Had trouble making my points. Actually, I didn't make my points. I have 4.5 left to make my minimum.

L and I went out to dinner with my family. We had build-your-own stir-fry and I estimated it to be about 11 points. It was probably more like 9 or 10. I also had that Caribou chocolate cooler I've been dreaming about. I didn't have lunch though -- maybe that's where I went wrong. It's hard, though, when I have breakfast at 10 am and then am gone until 3 pm. Tomorrow I'll be leaving at 8 am, so maybe I'll buy a sandwich for lunch or something. We'll see.

I'm anxious to weigh myself. I'm anxious for days to pass. But then, I remember when I was counting down 100 days till I graduated college and suddenly, college was over. I'll get there.

Moments have snuck up on me and reminded me that I'm doing this not just because I want to be healthy, but also because I want to look good and be smaller. On Saturday when L went to the bathroom at the restaurant, I whispered to her to use the handicapped stall because they were small ones. It made me excited that in awhile, I won't have to do that anymore. Today we talked about what trendy-ish stores we want to frequent when we can fit.

I've bought a lot of XXL shirts from Old Navy this summer to wear under hoodies. I rationalize this by saying that it's an investment in the future -- the shirts motivate me to be able to wear them without something over them. The day I can wear an XXL from Old Navy by itself -- or any tank top alone, period -- will be a day of great celebration.

Sometimes it's hard to admit that I'm this vain, but I guess I am. I suppose it's not a bad thing for me to want to look good. I'm glad it's not the only reason I'm doing this, though.

Anyway, bedtime. Gotta get up early tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - day 7 - from LJ
One week down!

Yup, today was a week. That's a little nutty... I feel pretty settled into the routine already. Yesterday was a less-than-remarkable day. I didn't finish my points again but decided not to sweat it.

Today I weighed in. I ended up buying a new scale, though, because my old one was insane. So since the first one was all wacky, I don't know my actual starting weight. I do know that I now weigh 239.4 lbs. If the original 250 lb reading is right, that's a 10 pound loss this week. I don't think that's right. But it doesn't matter.

I can't get my online journal to adjust my point levels though... It still says I should be eating 28-33 instead of 26-31. Arse. How do I fix this?

Nothing else to comment on, really. L is really nervous about her meeting tonight because of her weigh-in. I hope this doesn't become a situation where if I lose weight and she doesn't or vice versa we end up fighting or cranky at each other. I think we'll be ok.

I'm going to start doing pictures once a month. I'll post them here, I think.... Maybe with the face blurred. I just don't want the pressure of people I know in person knowing about this until I've made serious progress. I have my reasons.

I think I want to find more weight-loss journals to read on here... Perhaps it's time for a friend hunt.

(edit: I ate lunch and then weighed again and it said 240.8. I'm going to go with that because that's what it said for the rest of the day -- I'm a scale-lover -- and I originally weighed myself late in the day)

end 03:39 p.m.

L just called me from her meeting -- she lost 6 lbs! I think we should celebrate when she gets home. But for the first time, we're not going to celebrate with food.

Thursday, July 17, 2003 - day 8 - from LJ
I haven't had dinner yet and I only have 11 points to go. This may be a record for me.

I've been eating junk. Like 2 Smart Ones desserts a day... Or today, I had a Smart Ones dessert as well as Cadburys chocolate. The whole point of this was to be feeling better in every way possible. Since I've started eating all this junk again (which I started in order to make my points), I've been feeling physically sick as well as emotionally unstable. Therefore, I now resolve to go back to eating healthy instead of just sticking with my points. It really wasn't hard to do before, and I lost 9 pounds this week, so there's that. Clearly it's the way to go.

I'm also going to stop worrying about making my points exactly. My mom pointed out that I'm eating 1) much more and 2) much healthier than before, and that's the important thing. When this stops working, I'll start really working to make my minimum every day. I'm going to do what my body tells me to do.

Goal for this weekend: Over the course of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, exercise twice. I was going to go to the treadmill today but I started thinking, 'I'll get all sweaty! I just showered! That sucks big ass!' What the fuck is that about?? Sweat? Who cares?? I should have gone and just done it. I need to get an actual exercise routine going. I also need to try making a deal with L that I'll go to the pool with her to time her aerobics if she'll come to the fitness room with me first to keep me company while I walk/bike/whatever. And I'm going to dig out my ankle weights and wear them around the apartment or while on campus or something. Something.

I was lucky to have lost weight this week... I think I just lost so much because I had just put on those 10 pounds in the last 4 months or so. The next bit is going to be much harder. I need to work out. I also need to drink more water... I got a good start today and chugged 24 ounces before my class. Too bad that's only half of what I should be drinking. I just can't drink water that's not ice cold...

And right now, I'm going to find some exercise communities to motivate me.

Summary of goals today:

• stop with the chocolate already
• work out at least twice this weekend, and then regularly thereafter
• drink more water

Friday, July 18, 2003 - day 9 - from LJ
3 exercise points this morning -- 20 minutes on the treadmill and 10 on the ergonomic bike. I chose "moderate" as the pace on the WW website... The treadmill said I was going 4.8 mph but that has to be wrong... I usually collapse when I get past 3.6. I know I've been trucking it around campus lately, but it shouldn't have made that much of a difference...

I ate 27 points yesterday. The whole week that I was on 28 minimum I could barely get past 23 and now I ate 27, no problem. It's cause of the chocolate... Which is why I'm cooling it on that except in "emergency" cases.

Ok, time for school now.

Sunday, July 20, 2003 - day 11 - from LJ
Yuck.

I just tried some "Wow" chips (I have no idea what the "wow" is for -- L says they're made with Olestra, with means nothing to me). They're gross. The first couple bites were good, but my mouth got all filmy and by the end, they were really nasty. I was really craving potato chips yesterday, so she bought me those instead of Baked Lays because the Wow ones were 17 chips for 1 point versus 11 Baked Lays for 2 points. I guess that was a mistake. I think unless she wants them, I'll be throwing them out. Not worth keeping. Gross.

I haven't worked out for a 2nd time yet this weekend, but I had a setback related to my mental health that has kept me from leaving my apartment. I prefer to have L with me when I go, but since she doesn't like the machines, it's hard to get her to come. I guess I'll go tonight at 7:30 when she goes into work for an hour for that meeting.

I did learn another thing that will help me do this better... Breakfast. I usually can't eat in the morning because it makes me sick, but for the first week that we did this, I forced down some Smart Bacon and toast every morning and everything was fine. This week I really haven't had breakfast and I've been hungry all day. Yesterday I finally realized that must be making a difference. We slept late today -- until 11:30 a.m. -- so I couldn't quite test my theory as well, but I did have the Smart Bacon and a whole wheat waffle and these chips are the first thing I've had to eat since. I'm a muncher, so that's pretty impressive.

I guess this means that I'll be getting up at 6:30 all this week instead of 7 so that I can get some breakfast in before we leave. Yuck. Oh well.

Not a whole lot new going on. I've become a compulsive weigh-er, which I suppose isn't good. I'm not inclined to work on stopping that yet, though. We'll see.

I'm starting to get nervous for weigh-in on Wednesday. I'm really competitive against myself -- always push myself to do the best I possibly could. I know that I haven't been an angel this week (although I've still never gone above 27 points in a day), and I also know that it's inevitable that I will not lose 9 pounds again. I'm worried that I'm going to blame my imperfections in following my plans and get mad at myself. It's just something I know about myself...

Ever since L and I joined WW, we keep finding other people who are doing it too who we already knew. For instance, our friend E wrote in her journal on Saturday "I went to meeting. It was WONDERFUL--10% today baby--GO ME!!!" We haven't asked, but what else could that be? Hmm...

Alright, now that our air conditioning is on and I'm not all sweaty from moving the rest of my stuff out of my parents' house, I'm going to go drink some green tea. I'm so glad that something I love so much is supposed to be so good for weight loss...

(Oh, and btw -- how in love am I with the Smart Ones giant fudge bars?? 1 point for a monster-sized pudding pop type thing! If only they were a lil cheaper...)

Monday, July 21, 2003 - day 12 - from LJ
Did well yesterday. I exercised, but only for about 15 minutes. I tried the elliptical trainer but something felt really jerky to me and then this other woman came in and my CD was skipping so I gave up and did the ergonomic bike instead. My CD kept skipping there, too, so I did the whole thing with one arm in the air, holding my discman up high. This may be the reason I only lasted 10 minutes. I was a little too embarrassed (and they were out of towels) to go for another 20 minutes on the treadmill. Today or tomorrow I'll go back.

I had breakfast today. I was actually hungrier after eating it than before, but I'm currently sipping on a giant mug of green tea, which is helping. The only really troubling thing about this is that I don't have any food with me and not many healthy options, meaning that I'm best off waiting until I get home at 3 pm to eat. That's 7 hours between an unsatisfying breakfast and my lunch. Perhaps I'll splurge on points and get something out here around campus after all...

Today a very nice thing happened. I was wandering around the apartment, waiting for L to be ready to leave... I went to look in the mirror to adjust the zip-up thing I always wear over my tshirt or tank top, and it looked funny. I tried taking it off to see how the tshirt looked alone, but it looked really goofy. Then I realized what it was... My jeans are quite loose around my thighs. Or at least, they're much looser than they were 2 weeks ago. They're more like they were when I first bought them.

I always wear very baggy pants. I have since at least 7th grade, when I adopted my semi-skater look. Even though that only lasted 2 years, I've bought my jeans in the male section of Pacific Sunwear ever since. It's really nice to see that my weight loss is at least noticable to the point that clothes are fitting me like they did 6 months ago. Then again, I do need to do my laundry, so maybe they're just stretched out...

Whatever. Either way, these pants are looser than they were 2 weeks ago. Rock on.

Alright, now I'm gonna go futz around online. Good for me, though.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 - day 13 - from LJ
Tomorrow is weigh-in. Am I ready? No. No way. Because I've not lost any weight at all, according to my mid-week weigh-ins. I don't know what I did wrong. I've been at 26 (out of my 26-31 point range) every day this week, by the end of the day. I've worked out twice and earned a few more points for things like "walking brisquely" (with a 15-20 lb backpack, no less) for 20 minutes a few times.

It's true that yesterday I didn't drink any water other than a massive mug of green tea... And I've had more junk this week than last. But to not lose any weight on only my 2nd week... That's a little depressing.

Ok, why am I doing this? Weigh-in is tomorrow, not today. I have one more day to drink 50 ounces of water and more green tea and eat even better. I can lose a pound. I swear I can.

So yesterday was fine. Every day is the same. L and I need to cook more -- we've been having Smart Ones for dinner 4 or so nights a week. Tonight she's making grilled chicken -- hers with 0 point barbeque sauce, and mine with 1 point jerk chicken marinade. Mmmmmmm jerk chicken... I miss Jamaica.

Maybe that should be our ultimate goal or whatever. Or an intermediate goal. Once we get to a certain weight, we should go on another Carribean vacation. Or a cruise. Or something with bathing suits that we won't be embarrased to wear. A trip to the beach where I can wear shorts and a tank top instead of a long skirt and tshirt and have to run to get into the water and have L wait with a towel for me when I get out because I'm so self-conscious. Our trip to Jamaica in January was definitely the most progress I've ever made in terms of not caring about people seeing me in a suit... Hell, I bought one. I went. That's more than I would have done 2 years ago. Anyway. Tangent.

So every day is the same. That's my point. It feels monotonous. I feel like if I don't think about my food more than I have this week, I won't lose weight because I won't be careful. If I do think about it, it rules my life. Which is just as bad as when it ruled my life because it was a guilt-related thing.

The problem is that I'm too competitive. With myself. I always have to do my personal best. Anything less than what I know I'm capable is unacceptable to me (thanks for that, Dad). So every time I don't do the very best I could do -- 26 points with 8 glasses of water and a cup of tea, and no sweets until the end of the day, plus veggie munching -- I feel like if I don't meet my goals, I get what I deserve. Sucks.

I'm going to switch my focus right now. Intermediate goals and rewards:

• When I hit 10% -- that's 25 lbs lost and a weight of 225 (lower than I've been since beginning of freshman year of college), I get to -- no, I have to (because otherwise I won't do it) have whatever kind of ice cream I want, with magic shell.
• When I hit 205, which I like to think of as "less than the most Rosie O'Donnell ever weighed", I get to box up all the clothes that are too big for me to save for L for when she gets down to 250 or whatever.
• When I get halfway done, which is a loss of 55 lbs and a weight of 195, I get lunch at Benihana -- and I know I'll do that. And I'll also share this journal with anyone who wants to read it, whether they already know me or not. Once I get under 200, there's no way to keep this from anyone, and I don't want to. I also will begin exercising 4-5 days a week instead of 2-3.
• When I get to 165, which is 3/4 of the way done, I get to try to out for local theater again. I quit theater as much because of costuming issues as because I was tired of it. I want to go back and not feel embarrased to have people looking at me.
• When I get to my goal of 140, I get a whole new wardrobe. The works. Whatever the hell I want. I'll use my savings if I must.

Good. Good for me. Having specific rewards to work for is good. I don't want to make too many of them (like, I don't want 1 every 10 pounds) because then I'll do it for the rewards, which is bad. This is just enough to motivate me without being the reason for doing it.

That was a nice way to end this entry. Now I'm going to school to dream about my jerk chicken dinner.

Thursday, July 24, 2003 - day 15 - from LJ
I never posted yesterday. Oops.

So I ended up losing .2 lbs officially. ::sigh:: I got upset, then I got over it. It's a new week.

I'm not sure what steps I need to be taking to make this happen. I'm trying really hard to eat breakfast, to drink water, and to hold off on sweets until after dinner. I can just tell, though, that I was doing much better when I was actually eating veggies as snacks and avoiding sweets almost altogether. I guess I need to try doing that again.

We talked to our friend E, and she is in fact doing WW. She started 11 weeks ago, and a week ago she hit 10%. She said she's down from a 22-24 to a 16. I saw her 13 weeks ago, and there's no way she was as big as me, and I wear a 22-24, at least at Lane Bryant. Anyway, I'm really proud of her. I actually thought she looked really good when I saw her, but of course she has to do what feels good to her. It's really nice to have someone with tons of recipes to share and someone to call and say, "Why is this so hard??" It's also neat to have a friend our age who's seeing results. Also, she's the type of person who will ride our asses if we slip up. L's started calling her Coach.

She added us to her "call list". Every Saturday she's going to call us and tell us how much she lost. That cracks me up. She's hilarious.

Anyway, nothing new. I finish my summer classes tomorrow, which is good. That means that starting next week, unless I find a job (which I guess is important), I have the apartment to myself from 8-2 every Monday through Thursday. That's when I'm most likely to go work out, if L won't come with me. I also move around more and eat less when I'm home alone.

I was looking at some pictures of me from 4 years ago. I was seriously overweight then, but I looked soooo much better. I'm really looking forward to getting back to that weight, even -- 215 lbs.

I'm starting to wonder if always eating 26 points is the right way to go. Is it ok if I eat less? Should I try to eat more once in awhile to shake up my metabolism? We'll see, I guess. All I know is that this week, I'm losing weight if it kills me. =)

Sunday, July 27, 2003 - day 18 - from LJ
I think I'm doing well!

I avoided the scale for just over 24 hours and when I checked this afternoon, I was down to 238.6. I ate under my points yesterday. So far today, I'm under too. Buuuuuut....

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - day 20 - from LJ
I ate all my points Sunday and Monday (26 each) and this morning when I checked in, I was at 237 even. Tomorrow's my official weigh-in, and the start of a new week with another chance to do things things right.

I've made myself a lovely little grid chart to hang up. I took a whiteboard and used permanent marker to make the grid and label it... every day I'll use the whiteboard marker to check off the following things: breakfast, vitamin, water fulfillment, green tea, and eating veggies as a snack. This is partly to remind me what I need to do, and partly so that if I don't see a loss for a week or two, I can look back and see what, specifically, out of those things I might not have done that week and target that as a goal for the upcoming week. I think this'll work out well for me.

I've saved a lot of my clothes as I've gained weight, so last night I pulled out a pair of jeans that I bought last summer as an enticing goal. I actually put them on and got them all zipped and they looked really good. But they're still too tight to wear out comfortably.

My 10% goal is still a little more than 10 pounds away, but I can taste it. I want it so badly, and I'm excited about it. Yeah. I feel pretty good today. I'm gonna try to stop focusing on the negative. Yes.

end 09:07 a.m.

Whoa. I think I have PMS like nobody's business. My last period never showed, so I didn't realize it was that time already. I'm craving chocolate like nothing else and cranky as all get out. Stupid being-a-girl-ness.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - day 21 - from LJ
Haven't had the energy to read a lot of LJ stuff. My PMS is seriously affecting my self confidence. Not in how I look, but about things talking too much. So I'm trying to make as few mistakes as possible for me to be embarrassed about later. Ah, the monthly joy of it.

Weigh-in today. I weighed in at 236.0! Hott. That's a total loss of 14 pounds. 11 pounds left until I hit my 10% goal. I'm seriously pleased, especially since the last three mornings, I've had ice cream cones for breakfast.

L lost .6 pounds. She's taking it better than I expected... I'm proud of her.

I know 14 pounds isn't much when you weighed 250 to start, but I keep expecting people to say something to me and getting kind of sad when they don't. I saw two of my closest friends last night, who I hadn't seen since December because of our school schedules and I wanted so badly for them to comment. The thing is, the last time they saw me, I weighed the same as I do now, so of course they didn't notice anything! It's ok. All in due time.

Oh crap... I meant to take a picture of my feet and the scale during my weigh-in for a new icon, and I forgot. And I'm trying to limit my on-scale-time to once a day so that I don't go insane. Perhaps tomorrow, if things are the same. Which they won't be.

I've been really pleased with our meals lately. I'm getting more protein in than I have in years... I honestly don't remember the last time I had a meat dish 5 or 6 times a week... And I love stir-fry, and the jerk chicken is good, and the beef chipotle fajitas are terrific, and grilled shrimp is so yummy... Yum. I also found a 1 point salad dressing (tamari sesame) that I love. And the fact that WW makes sundae cones -- for 2 points, no less -- has me very excited. Food is back to making me happy, instead of making me feel worn out and weighed down. I like feeling full in a light and loose way instead of in a way where I can't move for several hours.

L just said it's dinner time. So that's all.

end 07:34 p.m.