Rent is closing on Broadway. Its last show will be June 1st. That gives it a run of just over 12 years, and over 5000 shows. And I have such mixed feelings right now.

The thing is--and I think most people already know this about me--I was one of those RENTheads. I was one of the teenagers who wore out her CDs. When the first national touring company opened, St. Paul was the second city it came to. That was the summer of 1997, and I was sixteen and deep into the angst of being a misunderstood, recently out, depressed, idealistic teenager. I lived and breathed Rent. I spent the majority of that summer camped out on the front sidewalk of the Ordway with a sleeping bag, surrounded by familiar faces, waiting for my front row, $20 tickets. I met some amazing new friends because of Rent. I met the girl I dated that summer because of Rent. And she, in turn, introduced me to the woman who is now my wife.

From 1997 to 1999, I saw Rent in seven cities (mainly by accident--but if I was on a vacation or traveling for some reason and Rent was passing through, I saw it). I've seen the show well over thirty times. I've lost track. I knew certain cast members well enough that by the end of the summer of 1997, they knew me by name, and when I'd see them on tour in other cities, they remembered me. Two of my friends and I got to go backstage to use the bathroom when we were in line overnight and explored a little more than we should have. I own one-of-a-kind memorabilia. When I went to New York for the first time, I did a Rent tour that involved eating at the Life Cafe and buying a t-shirt there. I had my own fansite. I even tried to watch La Boheme. I traded bootleg tapes in the mail, because cassettes were the only way people were recording at the time. I collected video clips of anything on TV with 'my' cast. And the message of Rent was everything to me.

Now, that said, I will admit that I haven't been to see the show in years. The last time I went was because I had a friend who had never been and we took a chance and did the lottery and got tickets. The last several times I saw it, I didn't enjoy it at all. The characterizations seem to have become slightly cartoonish over the years as certain funny understated things the original cast did have become standard and therefore exaggerated. I don't know if all the cast really seems to understand the message anymore, whereas early casts always seemed to be made up of raggedy barely-making-it young actors who were almost living the story. It doesn't have the same emotional punch or impact for me anymore, although if I sit still and listen to the original cast recording, I remember why it changed my life. But the show itself hasn't felt like much of anything to me in a long time, and the movie... yes, I own it--how could a girl with a carefully preserved plastic box of Rent memorabilia not own it?--but I don't watch it. The movie fell flat for me.

So I have mixed feelings about this show closing. In a way, it feels like a door slamming on a time that brought me together with new people, that made me feel a part of something bigger than myself, that gave me hope when I truly wasn't sure if there was any point to anything at all. It's the end of an era, to me. When it first opened, I remember thinking it was going to someday be the longest running show on Broadway (it made it to seventh, which is something anyway, but still). It always kind of made me feel good to know that if Lauren and I ever wanted to see the show that was essentially the reason we met, we could, at any time. But it's not what it used to be, and maybe its time is over. I truly believe it'll be revived someday. I think we're going to start seeing some amazing regional productions that are complete reinterpretations. And it'll be hard and sad, not seeing that metal Christmas tree or not seeing that lit up little "loft", but that doesn't mean those reinterpretations won't be great too.

But I guess... I'm disappointed, maybe just a little devastated... but I think maybe it's okay. I hope I can see it once more, either in New York this spring, or this summer when it comes back to St. Paul as it has every year since its initial run here. But I think... maybe it was time. If it's not having the impact it once did... then it did its job, and it's time to make room for something new. I hope something else comes along in my lifetime that makes that kind of impact. But the only way to find out is to make way, right? So for once in my life, I'm going to let go of something in a timely manner. And maybe prove to myself that the world won't implode if I don't cling to something a little too long.

Then again--check back with me come July when I'm freaking out about how Rent has died. By then, it may be an entirely different story.

• As long as I've already mentioned books, let's begin there. Not with any books themselves, but with Big Cozy Books, children's playroom and library furniture that looks like giant books. I'm sorry, children's? No. I would buy that for my own home NOW, had I the room. But I'll admit, as a child, if I had gotten to play on furniture like that, I would have been in heaven. Since I'm technically an "adult" (pshaw), I guess I'll have to settle for these gorgeous book coasters instead. You know, if I wasn't too cheap to spend money on coasters that were made of anything other than cork. But I can dream...

• However, for every awesome product out there, there are things that are incredibly pathetic, ridiculous, or painful. Like organic pancake batter in a spray can, or medicine cups with sugar on the rims, or MomSpit, a gentle no-rinse cleanser. Okay, I admit, MomSpit kinda makes me laugh. The other two make me sigh. I think those KidKupz people took Mary Poppins a little too seriously.

• There are a few products that I'd really like to own, though, that I'm sure other people would find stupid. For instance, I don't necessarily think it's cute, but since I can't steep a cup of tea correctly to save my life, I'd seriously consider buying this automatic tea timer... if I cared enough about my tea being right, that is. And because I have the world's smallest ears and can't use earbuds (they're too big for my ears--no joke, they won't fit), I'd buy these earbud covers. And... because when my brother and I were younger, we spent a great deal of time trying to "surf" underwater on a kickboard, I might want this underwater skateboard--or maybe the fun was that the kickboards wouldn't stay under and that would take the fun out. (I really don't expect anyone but my brother to find that last link amusing, but I had to include it.)

• I have no idea why I bookmarked this next one. I will never, ever take the time to do it. I'm only grateful that by sharing it here, I can delete the bookmark because I'll have the link preserved for eternity on deliciously. How to make clear (as opposed to cloudy) ice. It's interesting. It's easy enough. But dammit, I rarely care enough to fill the ice tray in general, let alone go through all those steps. But hey, just in case you were wondering, now you know how.

• So I recently mentioned that I've been obsessing about all things Broadway. This includes a miniscule (read: giant) love/hate crush on Kristin Chenoweth. That is, I have a crush on her, but I hate myself for it because in many ways, she seems... awful. But wonderful! Anyway, I remarked to my brother Koby (that would be Jake for those of you who I haven't updated) that this is the first time I've ever had a crush on a celeb who's shorter than me (she's 4'11"). His response was that there probably aren't a lot of celebs out there who are shorter than me (I'm 5'2 1/2", thank you). But I told him, aha, there are quite a few! Ani DiFranco, for one. Both Baby and Ginger Spice(s?). Punky Brewster. Janeane Garofalo (making me wrong about this being the first celeb crush who's shorter, because I was in love with her from age 14-17). Sara Gilbert. How did I know this? Thanks to the celebrity sizematcher, where you put in your height and get a list of the celebs who are the same height as you, shorter than you, and taller than you. So. In other words, a list of celebs' heights. Too bad Cheno (we're tight, I can call her that) isn't on there.

• I used to spend hoooooours playing sudoku online, but quite frankly, I got bored. So now I've turned to games that require less intelligence and result in more wanting to throw my laptop across the room. This game that I have taken to calling the stupid cat game is addictive. And ridiculous. I've played it about a billion times. But hey--I won it once, so now I can stop. Thank goodness. Or wait, maybe I'll go play it once more...

• Dammit! Didn't win. Okay, moving on. T-shirts. I stalk BustedTees and Gimmickwear and the like as much as anyone else, despite the fact that I have an irrational fear of wearing a graphic tee, offending someone, and being beaten up and thus do not own any. But I've found a few others that I'm in love with, from other websites, and would wear in a heartbeat if it were not for said fear keeping me up at night. The most perfect Excel-lovers shirt ever, especially considering I went through a two year phase of flatly adding "yo" at the end of every sentence I said, thinking myself funny. I'm sorry, by the way, for anyone who had to listen to me do that. And how about this shirt that I think probably accurately describes my feelings about my five years living in Ohio (sorry Mel C., if you read this). My favorite high school teacher spent the last 6 months of high school asking me, "Ohio??? REALLY???" Tory, you were right. I'm sorry. And, I'm very very late to the party here, but in my defense I've been away from this website for a long time, and I bookmarked this when it was still new. I could rant for a solid hour about the whole gay Dumbledore thing (wuss who wants extra publicity but wouldn't step up to the plate to use her fame to promote gay rights what?) but in any case, I did find these shirts sort of funny. The text on the page is even funnier. So. Yeah.

• I don't usually find ASCII pictures very interesting. Eh. You drew a picture with slashes. Go you. That's so 1995. Whatever. But if I can do it without doing any work at all? Now lazy, that's always cool. So I present to you the ASCII-o-matic. Upload a picture and it'll draw it for you. And while we're being a tad geeky, I really do want these earrings. They remind of the good old days before I gave in to Movable Type and used to hand code all my pages. Back when I had pride.

Okay, I normally aim for ten bullet points when I do this, but as I've been extremely long winded today, I think eight will suffice. I'm sorry for my ramblings, but I quite enjoyed myself. So there you have it. Welcome to 2008. Click some pointless links. Enjoy.

This is the first time in ten years that I've lived somewhere for that long without moving.

Seriously. Ten years. Since March of 1998, I've been moving with such regularity that it's amazing I didn't just buy an RV and move into it. I'd like to present a log of my moves over the last ten years, so that you can all see just how crazy it's been. I'd also like to point out that while, yes, all college students move between home and school every year, my situation was a bit different. That's because after the summer after my freshman year, I lost my bedroom. My brother moved into it, my things were... well, not there anymore, and when I was at home, I was sleeping in either my dad's office or a den. That means that for the entirety of college, all of the belongings I wanted access to were with me at college. I didn't leave clothes at home, I didn't leave keepsakes at home, I either boxed them up and stored them, or moved them at the beginning and end of every school year. That said, here we go:

• March 1998: from Plymouth, where I'd lived for 12 years, to a house in St. Louis Park
• August 1999: to an apartment in Toledo, Ohio, for college
• October 1999: to a dorm at UToledo, because my apartment roommates were homophobic party girls who exploded my microwave and expected me to cover for them when the cops came a-knockin and they were drunk
• May 2000: home! to my room, for the last time
• August 2000: to a dorm in Oberlin, Ohio
• June 2001: home! but... to my dad's office
• August 2001: to a different dorm in Oberlin
• January 2002: to another different dorm in Oberlin when I got a promotion that involved a move
• April 2002: home, to my brother's abandoned room, when I had a nervous breakdown
• August 2002: back to a dorm in Oberlin, the same one as the previous August
• May 2003: graduation! off to an apartment in Hopkins, MN with Lauren
• August 2004: wow, a record! over a year in one place! but now off to a dorm at Augsburg when I got an RD job
• October 2004: hmmm, another promotion that involves moving to a new dorm...
• January 2005: and another nervous breakdown that involves quitting and moving. this time to a fabulous apartment in Minneapolis near 50th & France
• July 2005: sadly, we have to leave the great apartment when Lauren gets an RD job in, sigh, Oberlin
• June 2006: and that was all the Oberlin we could handle. off to our new apartment in a res hall at the U of MN, where Lauren got a new job

And here we still are today. And here we will stay at least through June, if not for another year, depending on whether or not they move Lauren after this year.

All I care about is this--I have not had to pack, search for movers, pay movers, or tear my hair out about how to set up a NEW living space in 18 months. It's too bad this apartment isn't the most livable place and has no storage or closets... But it's still a wonderful feeling, to be in one place so long. It still doesn't feel like home. I guess maybe knowing that we could be moved any given year, combined with the fact that it's... well, a dorm, kind of means it might not ever feel like home. But it's still been nice to stay still.

And maybe that's why I've been looking for houses again lately, stalking edinarealty.com like a deranged person. Maybe that's why for the first time in a year and a half, I feel like I can look toward the future. Maybe feeling just a little bit more stable has been good for me and I can finally, finally relax enough to start feeling like I'm not running a marathon just to keep up with where life is taking us. It's a really nice feeling.

Another is that my life is SO boring that all I have to talk about are things like my observations about how this is the dustiest place I've ever lived, or about my recently revived complete obsession with musicals (and trust me, I could give you an entire thesis on Why Wicked is Beloved Even Though It Kinda Sucks, and Which Performers Have Done the Lead Roles Justice; or give you heaps of trivia about things like Bob Martin, aka original Man in Chair and creator of the Drowsy Chaperone, naming the main characters in that show after himself and his wife; or-- yeah, I'll stop, sorry) or risk going into emoville when talking about All The Crap I'm Dealing With Emotionally.

Side note--remember back in my day, when we said angst? Everything was angsty? Now it's emo. I miss the good old days. Bring back angst in 2008!

Anyway, back to potential reasons I haven't been updating. There's also the matter of me not being sure how I feel anymore about my whole life being on the internet. It's a phase I go through every couple of years. The "do I really want everyone to know what I'm thinking?" phase. Then there's the "I'm not feeling very witty lately" factor, and really, who wants to read a grocery list? Well no, actually, I don't care much what other people want to read. But I really don't like to write grocery lists. I prefer to ramble at will. Like I'm doing now.

Annnnnnnyway, this was supposed to be a very short introduction to a links post but at this point, I've rambled long enough that I think it's a post on its own. Let's take it as a hopeful sign, shall we? A sign that I'm not wasting my money keeping this domain name and webspace year after year, a sign that I'm going to post more, a sign that if it comes down to it and I have nothing else to say, I will tell you the top ten reasons I love Broadway actress Julia Murney and want to hire her to hang out with me and entertain me.

So. Perhaps--just maybe, if I believe hard enough--deliciously.org is gonna come back.

As usual, on the Tuesday after Labor Day, I found myself thinking about school. I loved school. School was good to me. Every year from 1983-2004, on the Tuesday after Labor Day, I was heading off to my first day of a new year of school. When you think about the fact that I'm 26 and that's 22 years of my life that I went to school... Man, is it really any wonder that I've had trouble adjusting to Life After School? I really do miss school. I would kill to go back.

But this year, a completely different experience sent me back into the land of "oh my god, I'm OLD!" in relation to school starting. On September first, the freshmen here moved in and invaded our building, turning it from an 800-capacity building with 30 summer residents to a building that was full to bursting with eager eighteen year olds. They were loud. Oh, were they loud. This entry has, in fact, taken me a week to write because it's taken me this long to adjust to the new noise level around here--although this building apparently has--gasp!--insulation and venting systems that don't mean I can hear every single word the people around me are saying, unlike Oberlin.

But let's not get into that. That's not the point. The point is that they moved in, I sighed and stared out the window and muttered under my breath like an old woman on her porch shaking her cane at the younguns about how back in my day, I only brought a duffel bag and a trunk and a computer with me to Oberlin and I made due just fine without a billion boxes and a U-HAUL (I wish I was kidding). And I moved on with my day. And then my night. And then, because I'm a terrible insomniac, as I was crawling into bed at four a.m., my attention was drawn to our open window because I heard kids out there talking and laughing, and drunkenly shouting. And as I pulled the covers up, I grumbled again--"they just moved in today; are they really partying already??"

And then it hit me. A flashback, hard, shooting right across my brain. Of my first night of college, at Toledo. I had been placed in overflow housing in an apartment building, a two-bedroom apartment with three other girls, who I'm going to politely call K, M, & S. And ho-ly shit did those girls get drunk. They didn't bother unpacking anything but their colored plastic cups and we all sat out on the balcony while two of them smoked and the three of them, plus M's friend D and K's cousin, drank beer and called down to every boy who passed by. M & D drank, if I remember right, an entire bottle of vodka, and neither had had anything to drink before. They invited strange boys up to our apartment and after awhile, S, K, and K's cousin went out to get more beer and I do believe stopped off at a party, and I was left with M & D, the former of whom became nearly unconscious within minutes of everyone else leaving. I knew nothing about alcohol poisoning at the time, all I knew was to get her to eat some bread, to not let her sleep on her back, and to stay with her.

There was so much more to that night than that, but wow. How could I have almost forgotten that night? How could I be so surprised that freshmen are out partying on their first night when my own first night was so... overwhelming? And what is wrong in general that that's what eighteen year olds do on their first night at college?

Oh, and is it any wonder that I only lasted a month in that apartment (oh, the stories I could tell about that month) before moving into the first opening in a decent dorm and living with three devout Christians who I barely had a thing in common with? Yeah. I thought not.

Remember when I used to post random links all the time? You know, like a real blog, since that's what a blog actually is? I haven't done a great job of saving things lately, while this website was barely alive, but I'm going to give it another shot.

I don't know why certain this amuse me. They just do. Like this archive of ineresting shopping bags. The first one bothers me, but other than that, I'm quite entertained. The same is true of this page of origins of bands' names. It's honestly not something I've ever pondered. But it entertained me anyway. And this website where you type in a word and it retrieves flickr images of those letters and spells out your word in pictures.

My So-Called Life came out on DVD when I was in college, and I pre-ordered the set. I've never pre-ordered anything in my life. And when they came, I hugged them. I'm totally serious. I watched the full season in marathon three times in the course of a month--once on my own in my dorm room with various residents stopping in to watch, once with my family on winter break, and once with my friend SaraB who, at the time of the show being aired, I used to sit on the phone with in silence just so we didn't have to waste twenty seconds dialing each other at the commercials to talk about it. And it's great to have it on DVD, really. But it's just the show, nothing exciting. It was released early in the shows on DVD era and doesn't have a lot of features. But now... it's going to be rereleased by a new company, with hints that it may include better extras this time around. As soon as those details are out... You can bet I'll be pre-ordering once again. Anyone wanna buy my first copy off me?

So there we are. Links. Just a little bit of the crap I've been hoarding for the last few months. Hopefully this'll become regular again because for some reason, I enjoy linking to random things. Perhaps because of what I just said--I'm a hoarder. And like all those kids movies and books say, it's nice to share.

]]> Links eengah 2007-08-16T10:49:17-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/08/carly_has_indee.html Carly has indeed taken me up on my offer to answer an additional question, and so here we have it:

I don't know why I was thinking about this, but I don't think we've ever really discussed prom... Not that it's a super important thing. But anyway, did you go to your prom? If so, who did you go with? If not, why not? Tell me about it.

The arts high didn't have a prom, per se. We had this thing called Gala that was basically a half-assed prom. No dinner, no fancy clothes (well, some people did), no special transportation, no corsages, very few dates, no court and crowning, just a dance. In... man, I don't even remember where it was. I went my junior year, with a group of friends--I think the people I rode with were Jesse, Krissti, and Alan? But I hung out with my friend Devin most of the night, I believe. I was pretty miserable if I remember right. (Devin, are you reading this? I was miserable, right?) I didn't go my senior year because, well, I was miserable. I did, however, help several of my friends prepare for their proms. That's about it.

A huge part of me wished I could go to Armstrong's prom, just for the whole experience, and because all my friends were going. In fact, I was kinda peeved that I didn't get invited as the non-date of a few single friends. But in hindsight, this was probably for the best. I would have been so uncomfortable all night, and probably not very happy. I was not a party girl, I probably would have dragged down my friends' nights. So it's for the best, but... yeah. Somehow even though I didn't really go to prom, I have bittersweet feelings about it anyway.

For added fun? My Gala pictures are online, starting here.

]]> Nostalgia eengah 2007-08-14T22:52:50-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/08/getting_to_know_1.html Oops, I forgot to come back and post my answers to Carly's questions. Here they are, questions now, answers after the cut, and same thing applies as the last one if you want to be interviewed in return.

Carly's questions:

1. Is rabbinical school still on the table? Say more about that :-)
2. Think about yourself ten years ago. What advice would you give that Rebecca if you could?
3. What is it about Lauren that made you fall in love with her?
4. What's your favorite thing about yourself?
5. Do you think you'll stay in MN? If not, where would you like to go? And why?

]]> Miscellaneous eengah 2007-08-14T12:37:19-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/08/getting_to_know.html It seems that that whole 5 questions interview thing is going around again, and I'm a sucker for not having to think about what to talk about, so I'm doing it. In fact, I requested questions from two people, and if you request questions from me and then do it yourself, I'll probably ask for some in return.

Here's how it goes:
1. Leave me a comment and I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
2. Update your website or blog or LJ or whatever with the answers to the questions.
3. Include this explanation and when others comment asking to be asked, you in turn ask them five questions.

**REMINDER: This isn't LJ--if you comment asking for questions, you won't get an email in response when I answer you, you'll have to remember to check back here.

And here are Amanda's questions for me:

1) When an artifact from your childhood (like a certain type of toy, or a television or book series) enjoys a resurgence in popularity, does it make you feel happy and nostalgic or angry and nostalgic? Why?
2) Are you still pursuing rabbinical school? If so, how is that coming along? If not, why did you decide to put that goal on the backburner?
3) I just read on your deliciously.org 'blog that you are a Harry Potter fan. What is your opinion of the last book? What, if anything, would you have changed about the outcome?
4) If you had to change your name, what alternate name would you select? Do you feel intimately connected to your name?
5) What cancelled television program do you wish could be revived (or, if you'd rather, would have lasted longer in the first place)?

Answers after the cut, and yes, obviously, #3 will have spoilers for Harry Potter. Answers to Carly's questions coming in a post soon.

]]> Miscellaneous eengah 2007-08-11T12:27:31-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/08/in_a_rare_showi.html I watched the Logo forum tonight, and I'm not the type to live blog or go into a lot of detail on politics, but here's my basic take:

--Barack Obama: I missed the first few minutes of his turn, but, what I saw... I really haven't paid much attention to him thus far, but I can REALLY see why people are so taken with him. I liked what I saw of his answers and he made me feel taken seriously AND understood. I didn't feel like he was forcing me into a group and I didn't feel like he was saying "I get the LGBT community, I really get you!" and I also didn't feel like he was saying "I'm not one of you so I'll never get you." That's talent--to not make me feel isolated. Let me put it this way--unlike Edwards, he didn't call the LGBT community "you". I was really, really impressed. I really wish I had seen his first five minutes.

--John Edwards: is a tool. I honestly don't know what else to say about him. He didn't answer the questions he was given (stereotype of a politician much?) and everything he said annoyed me. I don't care that he went to some Los Angeles LGBT center and saw homeless kids--that doesn't tell me anything except that he has a LONG way to go before I give a shit about what he has to say. He's a tool.

--Dennis Kucinich: it's very hard to comment on him. He basically... doesn't exist on the same plane as the other candidates. In so many ways. He's quite floopy and enjoyable and I love him and I'm glad he's running. I also wouldn't vote for him. I think his path, his journey, and his purpose are better served as a candidate who shakes up the scene a little bit than if he were actually president. It's just not a fit for him, but I love that's running. I agree with like 95% or more of the things he says, I just think he has another calling. Aww, he said he loves all of us, and I believe him. I love you too!

--Mike Gravel: I really know nothing about him going into this. The second he said "the gay issue" and then repeated it again two seconds later, he lost me. I liked that he said he believes "the marriage issue" will be a non-issue in 2012, but he bored me. And he seemed to be really out of touch with the country as a whole. He spoke like a well-intentioned person of a generation no longer at the forefront of what's going on in this country. And stop comparing yourself to Kucinich! Stop copying! I really do appreciate that he's pro-gay marriage, but that's really all I can say positive about him based on this short exposure.

--Bill Richardson: I have to admit, I also know very little about him, although a little more than Gravel... What can I say, I've been trying my hardest to flat out ignore politics for quite some time now. I was wholly unimpressed. For the most part I was bored. At least Gravel got me excited and passionate, even if I was annoyed to hell with him. Richardson bored me. I also had very little respect for his unwillingness to fess up to his own stances. Edwards said flat out, without even being asked, he has not changed his mind about not supporting gay marriage. Richardson, when asked, skirted around answering for as long as he could before they repeated the question like four times and he finally kinda sorta said he's "not there yet". Between that and his skirting/poorly answering the "biology vs. choice" question, he was at the bottom of the list for me. I got the feeling the panel felt the same way, and I missed the laughter that had been there with all four of the previous candidates.

--Hillary Clinton: This is what I tuned in for, honestly. However, she was so deliberate with everything she said that I feel like there were a ton of questions she didn't get time to answer. And I get that because when I'm addressing touchy issues that require deliberate and careful language, I'm the same way. I would rather have someone speak deliberately than misspeak. That said, I wanted more. She makes me feel... safe? I love Obama, more than I thought I would, but he feels young and excited and excitable, whereas Hillary (and yes, I'm aware that I've called everyone else by their last names and I call her Hillary--it's not a female thing, nor is it a clear from Bill thing, it's a comfort and familiarity thing, which I see as positive) makes me feel safe and taken care of. I knew what she was going to say about everything, so I guess what I got out of listening to her just that--that sense that she isn't saying she'll do more than she can, she's not promising that she's making herself completely transparent. And no candidate could be. So I really appreciate that sense of reality, and that comfort.

What do I have to say in the end? I like Hillary. She makes me feel like she has what it takes. But Obama is fantastic too, even if he makes me feel a little like he'd be fumbling to find answers as president. That might not be a horrible thing, but it's not what I'm looking for.

Mostly, though, I learned almost nothing new tonight, but I'm incredibly happy that this kind of forum was put on. It needed to happen and just the fact that it did feels like a small but important step to me. In the words of Breckin Meyer in Clueless, "Two thumbs up, fine family fun."

]]> Miscellaneous eengah 2007-08-09T22:22:48-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/08/hey_buddy_those.html I have issues with my childhood/family dentist. I have for a long time. He's older, he's a bit know-it-all-ish at times, all his patients are members of the Jewish community here in the cities--a community I generally can't stand--which means that visits are full of tense hellos, he sometimes gives me minor grief about refusing novacaine (in the form of a tsk), and when I get caught not flossing enough, he sometimes makes me feel about two inches tall. He has one evil hygienist who I can't stand. He's the dentist my entire family uses, so he's all up in our business all the time. He charges more than average. For years, I've been saying it was time to find a new dentist.

Today I went to another dentist, a dentist endorsed by multiple wonderful people, because I've been in a little pain and hell, it was time. How'd it go? Well, let me put it this way. Tomorrow, I'm calling my childhood dentist to make an appointment to go back to him, even though he's not covered on our insurance.

For one thing, my appointment was done over three hours ago, and my teeth hurt. I mean, OW. Seriously, OW. They hurt even when I just sit and do nothing, and forget about chewing. Not going to happen. I've never ever left a dentist appointment in pain before. For another, he was incredibly impersonal. He made a lot of small talk, but whenever I tried to ask actual questions, they got brushed off. I eventually stopped asking, figuring that I'd either never be coming back or I could make Lauren call and ask later. His assistant was flat out mean to me and VERY rough with my mouth (hence the PAIN) and didn't once say, "I'm about to ____" or "sorry I just gagged you." Lauren had an appointment in the next cube over, and her hygienist, who did most of her appointment, was totally different, gave her options, let her know what was going on, etc. The one thing I hate more than bad service is inconsistent service. If I went back to them, I'd always be wondering if it was going to be miserable or fine.

Then onto some bigger issues. They could NOT comprehend that for me, no novacaine means NO NOVACAINE. I do not do needles. I even explained to them that the last time I had a shot, IV, or blood drawn other than via finger prick (ie, no needle) was when I was eleven, and at that time, I was gassed, and I still freaked (read: started flailing and screaming) when they put the IV in. I told them I've done every filling I've ever had without novacaine, and they were still like, "Um, no, I don't think so, you'll want novacaine." Not even, "Let's talk about this, let's consider options before we make a final decision." He also wrote me a scrip for a sedative for before I have a tooth pulled (yeah, I have a dead baby tooth that's gotta come out, which prompted the whole visit) without asking me ANYTHING about my preferences about drugs. Now, it just so happens that it's... not my preference, but I'm okay with it, IF it were a good solution (trust me, a little pill is not going to make twenty years worth of a phobia abate for even two hours). But what if I was on other meds, or what if I didn't believe in them, or... I don't know, maybe I'm just looking for things to be angry about. Oh, and then we got to talking about the issues with my top teeth, which I know are vast. But my plan has always been braces to fix the gap between the two middle, a bridge where I'm missing a tooth, and a cap on my "peg" tooth, all of which would actually correct the problems where possible. This guy wanted to "fix" it with veneers, which is a purely cosmetic solution and would cost a lot more and seems very unnecessary to me. Take me back to old school, thanks, no quick fix solutions here.

What it comes down to is 1) VERY poor communication, 2) impersonal service, 3) not much understanding or compassion, 4) did I mention I'm in tear-inducing pain?

Lauren, on the other hand, loved it there. She loved the hygienist. Of course, as opposed to the dentist himself, the hygienist told her what she was doing every step of the way (I heard her), asked/warned her about pain, and didn't mutter under her breath about Cher for five minutes straight (okay, that part was kind of funny).

So me and my dead, cracked, painful baby tooth will be returning back to my childhood dentist, who I suddenly have a great deal more love for, even though these things won't be 80% covered by insurance with him. Right now, all I want to do is run right to his office and give him a giant hug and beg him never to ever, ever retire, and then give him my life savings. Since I can't, this rant will have to suffice.

]]> Miscellaneous eengah 2007-08-01T14:36:34-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/07/my_hair_is_my_b.html My hair is my BFF. No, seriously, it is. I've always been very attached to it. One of my earliest traumatic experiences was in first grade, when my mom decided to "trim" my hair herself and cut off six inches. Whether this was because she was finally follow through on her threat that "REBECCA MICHELLE, IF YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR HAIR MORE OFTEN TO KEEP IT FROM GETTING SNARLY, SO HELP ME, I'LL CUT IT ALL OFF" or just that she had trouble trimming it evenly and kept cutting and cutting until it was all gone, I was devastated. In my head, my hair should have always looked like this:

Bye bye, long hair. Anyway, after that, I grew my hair right back out, and from then on, I had long hair (except for a brief period during which I was growing out a perm and cut it very short). Always. Long hair. In fact, by high school, I had a system down. Every August, I got my hair cut four or five or six inches, and then let it grow all throughout the year without any further attention. Occasionally I got one trim in the winter, but that was it. I had one hairstylist, Cindy, who knew me and knew better than to suggest anything as crazy as--gasp!--layers or a different length (damn you Jennifer Aniston, I would not be suckered into your crazy hair shennanigans). And all through college, I continued with this plan. Me and my long, straight hair that never came above my shoulders.

And then in college, something crazy came over me. My senior year, I suddenly decided that I was feeling good, I was ready to tackle the world, I was ready to declare that I was no longer emotionally stunted at age seven (my haaaaaaaair, mom, how could you?) and was ready for an Adult haircut. So in February, I made Lauren take a picture of my long, child-style hair:

and I trotted off to an unknown salon in Ohio to get it cut. Short. And I came home with this:

Now, upon reflection, I should have stuck with that. It was actually kind of a fun cut, I suppose, and a HUGE change, since I'd never had my hair shorter than my shoulders since sixth grade. But no, that wasn't short or drastic enough for me, so I went and had a girl who I worked with shorten it for me, resulting in this:

And I had fun with it, I truly did. Some days I straightened it. Some days I put a ton of stupid little clips in it. Some days I just let it be. It was a huge pain in my ass and took way too long to style, but I enjoyed it. For like two months. And then I wanted my hair back. And so I grew it, and it took a damn year and a half, but for my wedding, my hair was the perfect length:

And of course, then I just had to do something stupid. So two weeks after our wedding, I cut it, and I got those long sideswept bangs that everyone was getting at the time (see Rebecca? This is what happens when you follow a trend) and... yeah. Let's just say it wasn't good. And right then and there, I decided it was time to grow my hair out. And I mean, grow it out. I literally went two years without so much as a trim. I finally got it trimmed this past January, and that brings us to today. Which looks like this:

That's earlier today. The day my hair went away.

I donated my hair to Locks of Love today and as nice as it is to not feel like there's a small child hanging from my head when it's in a ponytail or something, I miss it. A lot. I haven't taken a picture of the new cut yet, but I will. It's actually longer even than the first cut I got my senior year of college, long enough for a short, perky ponytail. But man, am I feeling the loss.

All gone.

]]> Nostalgia eengah 2007-07-17T15:09:13-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/07/books_are_alway.html Hello, from out of nowhere. Yes, I know, how many times will I attempt to revive this site? Who knows, I refuse to give up. I've had my own site since I was 14; I'm not stopping now. If I have to, I'll post nothing but links until I have something else to say, but I think it would be good for me to keep this thing up and running.

So my goal is to post again this week, because starting Friday at midnight, I go into hibernation. I do not want a single solitary spoiler about the last Harry Potter book, nothing, not even how many pages it's going to be or what the cover looks like, until that book is in my hands. And because Lauren and I buy one copy and she reads it first, I have to sequester myself for quite awhile before I get to read it. I'm hoping she'll read it over the weekend and I can read it Monday and Tuesday, but we'll see. In any case, I won't be even logging onto AIM or LiveJournal from the time the book is released until I finish it.

We were supposed to see the fifth movie at midnight on Tuesday, just like every other movie so far, even though I've been unimpressed by most of them. So wouldn't it figure that both of us got stupidly sick on Tuesday afternoon. We're both still sick, and let me tell you, I don't know if this is a bug or a summer cold or what, but it's the worst I've felt in a long, long time. I'm still anxiously waiting to get to see the fifth movie... But today I did start rereading the sixth book, as a refresher before the final book. And wow, I forgot how good they are. I'm only two chapters in and my heart is racing already. And I'm NOT a fan of suspense, usually. But wow. I'm excited.

Yeah, I have Harry Potter fever. I'm ridiculous. And I'm excited.

So there, I found something to say, something inane and pointless, but this site is back up. Hopefully this won't be the only entry this week. And hopefully deliciously will wake back up, and so will I.

]]> Books eengah 2007-07-14T18:18:01-06:00 http://www.deliciously.org/archives/2007/04/deja_vu_1.html Dear girl standing in a parking space with a guitar yelling at people who try to park there because you're reserving it by standing there, talking about foreshadowing and organic clothing,

Your Blackberry negates the rest of your message.

By the way, when did this become Oberlin?

No love,
Rebecca

]]> Mindless Entertainment eengah 2007-04-22T12:10:30-06:00