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September 24, 2006

L'Shanah Tovah.... I guess.

Last year I wrote quite a bit about the high holidays (that's 3 seperate links, by the way). I did a lot of reflecting about my Jewish high holiday experiences and the way they were meaningful to me. And now I'm going to do the same about yesterday's services.

I'm really sad to say that I was very disappointed. Rereading last year's entry about attending the shul in Cleveland (middle link) only makes me more disappointed. The service was very unfulfilling, and the more I sit with that feeling, the more disappointed I become.

The rabbi was not the rabbi for me, and that was the biggest issue. What I'm looking for in a spiritual leader is someone who eminates passion for Judaism from his or her pores, someone whose every breath seems dedicated to loving Judaism. There can, and should, be more to them as people, but during services, I want to look at them and think, "Wow, that person was really meant to be a rabbi." I'm feeling a little badly writing this here, but I just didn't get that from the rabbi yesterday. It could be because she's so freshly out of rabbinical school, or it could be because she only spends 1/4 of her time with this congregation (she has another rabbinical job in Wisconsin and usually visits here only once a month) so they don't all click so well together, or it could have just been a bad fit with me. But I found her d'var Torah worse than uninspiring, I found her manner of presentation frustrating, and I didn't see any excitement in her eyes. I need that from a rabbi.

Ther service itself was also just not very moving. I love the three congregants who led the service (yes, three congregants led it even though the rabbi was there) and they certainly have the excitement I was looking for, but there were still two problems. One was that they were only three people, and they were three of the ONLY people who were very alive. The other is that they aren't rabbis, they haven't been trained in getting people pumped. They seemed, at some points, to be leading a service for themselves. Now, I don't believe they really were. The Reconstructionst movement is all about community and there would be zero reason for someone committed to this movement and its tenets to even want the service done "their way" over including others, but it had that feeling at moments. Perhaps because no one else getting into it. I don't know. But it didn't always work for me.

And then there was the sales pitch in the middle of services. Tasteless. I completely completely understand why they needed to do it. This is a place that had 12 attendees when I went to Shabbat services there. There were around 75 people plus another 10 or so kids yesterday and they were a captive audience. They need members to exist. I get it, in my rational mind. But it was such a turn-off.

And the final problem... These are Minnesota Jews. They may be Reconstructionist, they may be 100 times better than the Reform and Conservative Jews around here, but they were still Minnesota Jews. If you've experienced and grown up in the Minnesota Jewish community, you know what I mean, and if you didn't, there's no way you ever could. That's all I'll say about that.

Even the Amidah didn't do it for me. I felt rushed, there was no inclusive prayer/meditation language, and... it just didn't feel like my Amidah.

We didn't go back to services today. We decided it would be too, in Lauren's words, "lather, rinse, repeat." I didn't want a second day of feeling this way. We'll go back for Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur even though the rabbi will be there, but after that, we're going to make an effort to attend specifically when she's not there. If that's possible. That's sort of a sad feeling, especially since we're officially members of this shul. It's still the best choice for us in the Twin Cities, and I'd still like to be part of the work to build the congregation up so that it can be improved. I'm committed to this shul and my Jewish experience there, and hopeful that I will find meaning there.

But today, instead of going to services again, we're going with my mom to have lunch at my Baubie and Zaide's (it's brisket! that counts as Rosh Hashanah observance all on its own!) and I'll spend some time in my head getting what I want to get out of this day.

And next weekend, I'll go to Yom Kippur services ready to exist in my own head if necessary to get what I need out of them, too.

I hope.

Posted to Jew-mania at 10:32 AM | Comments (0)

September 22, 2006

For one brief shining moment...

I admit it, early in the season, I gave up on the Twins. As soon as the Tigers pulled into a large, freakish lead, I stopped paying attention. It was such a bizarre experience to see the Tigers leading the central division that I gave up any hope that the Twins could ever overcome a 14 win gap, especially with the White Sox slightly ahead of the Twins.

And then the other day, for the first time this season, the Tigers' name was not at the top of the division standings list, and the Twins' name WAS.

Ok, so they weren't actually leading the division. And it only lasted about an hour until the Tigers won their next game...

But I have hope. I have hope that the Twins will find their way to that spot again. They just needed the motivation of seeing their name at the top.

And best of all, I'll be there for their last game of the season, letting them know how proud I am of them for making it to the playoffs.

Posted to Minnesota at 10:11 AM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2006

Apparently the deaths of thousands doesn't affect me, but a Bronx accent cracks me up

I am a HUGE fan of commentary on DVDs. HUGE. I love it. Often times I like it better than the movie itself. I've watched my favorite movie with commentary (it has two commentary tracks--like heaven!) more often than I've watched the movie itself.

Today I was in the mood for a good cry, so I rented Beaches and Titanic. Yes, Titanic. Sue me, I wanted to cry. Unfortunately, I'm heartless and didn't cry at all, unless you count getting a little choked up about the elderly couple who stayed in their bed to drown and Hillary's funeral.

But after I finished Beaches, I did discover that there is director commentary on that disc. At first I was reluctant to watch it. I prefer commentaries with more than one person, as well as commentaries that are done around the same time the movie is filmed. But I ended up starting it, and OH WOW is it hilarious!

You MUST watch this commentary if you have the opportunity. Garry Marshall is one hilarious guy. I've only made it a half hour in, but I've been cracking up.

If you need more convincing, I'll give you the following gems (but please imagine them in his voice, or it counts for nothing):

"We established they're ethnic!"

and, even better

"Beaches, originally, nobody wanted to make it. They said who cares about a friendship among two girls. Boy friendships are great! Let's do that macho stuff. Do buddy pictures! But there were no buddy-ette pictures about two girls who were friends. I think girls' friendships are just fascinating. Boys you know, they argue, they fight, and then don't talk to each other for 30 years. Girls, somehow they say the worst things to each other and then an hour later they go shopping! Girls' friendships are very odd."

and one more, for the road

"The biggest problem a director has in this kind of a film when you have two leading ladies is not the acting. They're both wonderful actors. And it's not even the scenes, or the comedy. The biggest thing is the hair! The hair alone, you could have shot two other films in the time we waited for them to get their hair done."

Posted to Mindless Entertainment at 06:17 PM | Comments (3)

September 10, 2006

It's baby-making time. Sort of.

My body is ready to reproduce.

Lately (for about the last 6-9 months) I've been getting major PMS-like symptoms when I don't have PMS. I've been irritable, moody, tired, and prone to break outs right in between my periods. I am, along with encouragement of this idea from my mom, choosing to believe that this is my body's way of saying, "I'm ovulating! Notice me! Make a baby!"

Considering that my babycraving has been saying the same thing for close to six years now, I'm grateful that my body has caught up.

Of course, I'm slightly less grateful that I'm a moody mess for double the amount of time each month. You should all send Lauren sympathy cards.

Posted to Nesting at 06:09 PM | Comments (0)

September 08, 2006

Things That Cause My World to End

Are you sick of reading me complain about the things I love being discontinued? Then don't read this entry.

I have these pants. They're my favorite pants. I rarely leave the house in them, although I have occasionally. I bought them in the fall of 1999 from the now-defunct GFLA, a Delia's copycat company that carried--gasp!--plus sizes. They were embarrassing pants, but the least embarrassing of my options. Remember those lounge pants that were really popular back then? The ones that were made of terry sweat material with writing on the legs? They said things like "hottie" or had skulls and crossbones on them.

I bought a pair.

Mine say ALLSTAR down the left leg. They also have a star on the butt. And I've removed some of the embarrassment factor by wearing them inside out for the last four years (yes, it took me 3 years to think of that). You can still tell they have writing on the other side and that they're inside out, but at least no one knows that I'm an all star when they see me.

Anyway, when GFLA went out of business, I went to see if they still sold them, but of course I was too late. And now no one makes them anymore. And after 7 years, including a year and a half of wearing them at least 3 days a week every week, they're starting to get very thin in the knees. And last night I discovered a teeny tiny hole at the back of one thigh.

My world is about to come crashing down on me again. These pants are my favorite! My standby! My security blanket! I LOVE THESE PANTS!

It doesn't help that yesterday Lauren discovered that they stopped making my favorite granola bars, too. But at least I've only liked those for a month, so I'm not so attached yet. Geez.

Next time I like something, remind me to buy 20 of them, no matter how broke we are.

Posted to Miscellaneous at 10:45 PM | Comments (1)

September 07, 2006

Good lesbians cut their hair; mediocre lesbians just watch talk shows

I've been watching The View this week. Previous to this week, you could not have paid me to watch this show. I didn't like a single host, and their entire "we're so sex and the city but inferior to them" vibe is totally not for me. But I really don't find Ellen Degeneres funny, and I've felt like a traitor to lesbians everywhere by not watching her show, so I figured this was my chance to redeem myself, now that Rosie is on The View.

Oh. My. God.

First of all, these women could not coordinate themselves well enough to ask good questions if their lives depended on it. And I don't think it's because of Rosie, because it seems to be Miss RightWing (aka Elizabeth) who generally veers off topic (she somehow got from the death of Steven Irwin to the tragedy of 9/11 in one short sentence), although Joy is occasionally responsible as well.

Second, they all yip and talk over each other. Now, I understand that this is how women really interact. I know that from my own friendships and I know it from Psychology of Gender, where I learned that the most pronounced difference between men and women is that women use interruption to show understanding and support while men use it to vie for power and control of the conversation (and I won't even go into my personal experience with that). But even if that's normal, that does not make for a fun talk show at all.

Third, I just don't care. I'm not a talk show kind of girl. I don't care about 95% of the celebrities on these shows and I'll get my news elsewhere, thanks.

But the fourth... Rosie. Oh Rosie. I hate to say a bad word about someone I love so much. But she just seems to be putting on a face. I suppose there's no way she wouldn't seem that way, given how openly grumpy she's been over the last few years. She's still very entertaining, and her open "I will tolerate you, but just barely" attitude toward Elizabeth is mildly entertaining, but the whole thing is still a little disappointing. She's certainly gotten better already than she was the first day, though.

Still, I'm sure I'll continue to watch. I owe it to Rosie. And even though I hate talk shows, you can bet I'll be checking out Megan Mullally's when it starts too.

After all, since I won't cut my hair short again, I have to do SOMETHING to prove that I'm a good lesbian.

Posted to Mindless Entertainment at 10:26 AM | Comments (3)

September 06, 2006

Random Notes from the Desk of Rebecca

98% of the time, I'm glad we chose to come back to Minneapolis instead of moving to Northampton. The other 2% of the time can be divided into two categories: 1% for when I wish I didn't feel like such a bad person for not seeing my friends more and 1% for when I get emails with tourdates for my favorite musicians that list Northampton.

And they ALWAYS do. ALWAYS.

Posted to Miscellaneous at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)

September 01, 2006

a reminder

Today is the 8th of Elul. Despite growing up in the Conservative movement (even in a less observant family), I don't recall ever having heard anything about Elul or even Selichot. I must have, but I don't remember it at all. The idea of spending Elul in preparation for Yom Kippur is fairly new to me, but this year I'm trying to take that to heart.

I honestly don't know what it is I'm "supposed to" be doing for Elul, but I'm working very hard to spend a lot of time thinking. Not mulling, not brooding, not moping, but thinking. What do I want for the coming year? What changes do I want to make right now and what changes can I put on the back burner? What are my priorities? What MUST happen for me to be a newer, better person a year from now? I'm forcing myself not to have answers yet, to just think.

And yes, this from the girl who believes New Year's is arbitrary. So I'm finding some comfort in the Jewish rituals surrounding one specific date and making "resolutions". Sue me.

I am also willing to admit that I'm not quite ready to ask forgiveness right now. I'm not at a place where I believe that I deserve it, from anyone. I'm not even at a place where I can bring myself to think about which things I may have done or not done that would require forgiveness. But I AM ready to offer forgiveness, to let go of some grudges that I've been holding silently. And for me, that's a really good start.

Besides, I have another month until Yom Kippur. Elul has just begun.

Posted to Jew-mania at 01:59 PM | Comments (0)