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September 01, 2006
a reminder
Today is the 8th of Elul. Despite growing up in the Conservative movement (even in a less observant family), I don't recall ever having heard anything about Elul or even Selichot. I must have, but I don't remember it at all. The idea of spending Elul in preparation for Yom Kippur is fairly new to me, but this year I'm trying to take that to heart.
I honestly don't know what it is I'm "supposed to" be doing for Elul, but I'm working very hard to spend a lot of time thinking. Not mulling, not brooding, not moping, but thinking. What do I want for the coming year? What changes do I want to make right now and what changes can I put on the back burner? What are my priorities? What MUST happen for me to be a newer, better person a year from now? I'm forcing myself not to have answers yet, to just think.
And yes, this from the girl who believes New Year's is arbitrary. So I'm finding some comfort in the Jewish rituals surrounding one specific date and making "resolutions". Sue me.
I am also willing to admit that I'm not quite ready to ask forgiveness right now. I'm not at a place where I believe that I deserve it, from anyone. I'm not even at a place where I can bring myself to think about which things I may have done or not done that would require forgiveness. But I AM ready to offer forgiveness, to let go of some grudges that I've been holding silently. And for me, that's a really good start.
Besides, I have another month until Yom Kippur. Elul has just begun.
Posted to Jew-mania at September 1, 2006 01:59 PM