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May 22, 2006

Deja Vu

Right now I'm making frozen organic macaroni that specific says "Do not bake in toaster oven" in the toaster oven. I'm a rebel.

Oberlin is a different place today than it was 24 hours ago. The last of students--except for one senior and one RA--have checked out of our building. The commencement workers are preparing to move to their new rooms. Everyone else is gone. This isn't permanent; on Friday all the parents and alumni arrive and will surely be at least as loud as, if not louder than, the students we've been living with all year. But I don't care.

I've never been here for senior week before. At the end of my own senior year, I was a huge rush to get out of here. I was finishing away, since I had 8 credits left due to having taken a semester off my junior year, so I wasn't walking. I had no interest in a day at Cedar Point and buses to the Flats and ironic keggers in the freshman dorm. I just wanted to leave.

I don't regret missing senior week, although I wish I had known that I could have petitioned to walk at graduation. But it's weird to be here for the graduation of the students who were freshmen when I was a senior.

We're more than halfway done packing. By the end of this week, I expect that all we'll have left is the last minute stuff, like the bathroom. We can leave as soon as a week from Saturday, if we want to. And we might.

I don't like feeling guilty about wanting to rush out of here. I don't like feeling like I'm back in college and I'm in such a hurry to blow out of Oberlin that it's likely that I'm missing out on things. I don't like feeling like I haven't changed at all in the 3 years since I graduated. I know I have, but today, right this minute, I feel familiar and ugly.

Thank goodness I'm going home to a good therapist.

Posted to Oberlin at May 22, 2006 11:40 AM

Comments

Posted by: Dani at May 22, 2006 06:48 PM

Posted by: Rebecca at May 22, 2006 07:44 PM