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May 10, 2006
Confronting my past
As I've mentioned about a million times, right now I'm reading all the BSC books in order. Today I read #32, Kristy and the Secret of Susan. I have to admit that ever since I started this venture, I've been anxious to get to this book, wondering what I'd think of it now.
When I first read Kristy and the Secret of Susan in 1990, it was the first time I'd heard of autism. I was fascinated. I decided, at 9 years old, that I wanted to work with autistic kids someday. That interest never disappeared. There was something I couldn't put my finger on about autism that made my stomach turn.
I didn't retain a lot of the actual information in that book, and now that I've reread it, I'm surprised that Ann M. Martin was willing to depict Susan the way she did. For most of the book, it appeared that Susan's life was pretty hopeless. It wasn't until the very end that Kristy understood that just because Susan was too developmentally needy to even go to a special ed day school didn't mean that her parents didn't hold out hope for her life. The book was clear that not all autistic children are savants, that IQ is pretty secondary, and that autistic kids have varying levels of communication abilities. The only thing the book left out, as far as I'm concerned, is how violent autistic kids can be when that's the only way they know how to communicate.
But somehow, reading it this time while understanding why I was so interested as a kid was a little depressing. A teensy bit of that is because I don't feel that great about having a disability that affects me so much, but more than that, I feel that desperate "no one will ever understand what it's like to be me" feeling that has made me feel so isolated on and off for my entire life. I know that everyone feels that way sometimes, but knowing that I have a disorder that my wife and friends will never really GET can be frustrating.
I'm glad I reread this book, but I don't think I'll be reading it again any time soon. I'm especially glad that I was introduced to autism this way when I was young, though. It was important for me. It made the whole thing less scary when Aspergers became a reality for me.
After all, if Ann M. Martin covered it, it couldn't be TOO horrible.
Posted to Books & Mental Health & Nostalgia at May 10, 2006 12:44 PM