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March 01, 2006
she helped make me like this, so I guess it's ok that she helps fix it
My mommy makes everything better. Is that a normal statement for a married 25-year-old to make?
Last night I had a PMS-induced full-on breakdown about the direction of my life, my plans for the future, and the inevitability of having to give up one of two things that I cared a great deal about. I sat and stewed all day and then I cried and cried when we got in bed. I moaned about rabbinical school and Minneapolis and family and a career and children and what home means and plans. Although I managed to avoid the "I'm such a loser, I'm a drain on our resources" stuff I typically spew, I may as well have said it all. And everything was completely black or white -- Philadelphia or Minneapolis; rabbinical school or no career; go home now or never go home again; fulfillment in one area or fulfillment in another.
As usual, though, talking to my mom helped me think clearly. It's not like she talked me through it or really said that much, but after talking to her, everything makes a million times more sense. I know what's right for me, I know that I have the power to make any combination of things happen that I choose, and I have the choice not to feel guilty about wanting to do things the best way for myself.
Duh. Pretty simple, huh?
I love my mommy.
Posted to Hardly Working at March 1, 2006 02:30 PM