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February 08, 2006

Is this what my brother feels like when he does something new?

This morning, I spent two and a half hours, from 9 am to 11:30 am, trying to register for Birthright Israel before I finally got the pages to load. I'm not sure why I had such bad luck this time around when last time, both Lauren and I were registered by 9:15 -- early enough that I had time to run to the bookstore to get my Hebrew book before my class started at 9:30.

Either way, I'm all signed up now. It's a sort of bizarre feeling. Lauren and I have been Lauren and I for a very long time now, and in that time, I haven't done a lot of major things on my own. I work well as part of a pair, and I feel safest when I'm with the people I love. Lauren makes me feel understood, which is important to me, and she likes to do things the same way I do, for the most part. We're good together. I do recognize that there are some benefits to not doing EVERYTHING together, but so far, together has worked very well for us.

So it's very strange to think that in three months, I could be headed off to a foreign country without her. I signed up for the May trip, figuring that it would be easier to go while we're still in Oberlin than over the summer if we're in the middle of moving. Plus, the less time I have to overthink what it means to be a traveler with Asperger's, the less likely I am to freak out and change my mind.

I still can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm a person with a passport and I can't believe that it's taken me almost 10 years since most of my friends went to Israel to feel ready to go. But I'm also really glad. I do feel ready (most of the time). Even if I'm going on the trip alone.

Posted to Jew-mania at February 8, 2006 12:54 PM

Comments

Posted by: Amanda at February 8, 2006 01:43 PM