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November 30, 2005

so as not to leave y'all hanging...

Oh my goodness. In the 8 days I was in Minnesota, I totally forgot what this place was like. OH MY GOODNESS.

Obviously, I'm back in Ohio. My grandpa is doing much better. I saw him Friday, and about 85% of what he said made zero sense. He was completely delusional. It was scary and upsetting and my family was totally on edge all weekend. By the time I saw him on Sunday, only about 40% of what he said was nonsensical. When I called my mom Monday night to let her know I was back in Ohio safe and sound, she told me he was back to his old self and had been moved from his post-surgery hospital room to a rehab center. I haven't talked to him yet, because I want to check in with my mom again and make sure that he really is with it before I call, but I feel a lot of relief. Things were pretty awful while I was home.

I was going to write more, but I'm so wiped emotionally... Maybe later.

Posted to Miscellaneous at 10:13 PM | Comments (1)

November 25, 2005

fine, an update

So, I'm home in Minnesota. And I'm tired. I'm so tired that I've debated starting this entry about 17 times in the last hour and decided I was too tired to go into anything of importance repeatedly. I've finally decided to give it a go.

I don't think I've mentioned anything in any incarnation of my journal, but for the last year, my grandpa has been having some major health problems. Now, it's absolutely normal for an 80 year old to have health problems, but these came on out of the blue in a man who's always been very active and independent. Over the course of the last year, things have continued to get worse and worse, despite all the efforts to figure out what was going on. Really recently, they finally diagnosed him with normal pressure hydrocephalus and scheduled him to have the brain surgery used as a treatment for mid December.

However, when I arrived on Monday, the first thing my mom told me was that my grandpa had to be taken to the hospital the previous day and that things were so bad that they were trying to move his surgery to sometime this week. Now, I've talked to my grandpa about this surgery a few times in the last month or so, and he was scared, but also really glad that a possible improvement was in sight. Still, this week was really hard on all of us. The last year has been really hard on us. It's so difficult to see someone rapidly become a completely different person for what appears to be no reason at all. So his surgery was yesterday, and it's hard to say where things are right now. The surgery itself went fine, but of course today was the day after and he wasn't very comfortable. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Right now, though, I'm just so tired. My whole family is tired. Our Thanksgiving dinner only lasted 2 hours. My dad, who normally gets up before the sun, slept until 8 am today. We all took naps today. I don't even know why I'm awake except that I had to push to stay awake when I first got tired at 8 pm and I haven't been able to stop pushing.

I also have no interest in seeing anyone right now. I'm trying to keep as many of the plans I made before getting here as possible, because I do miss my friends, but mostly, I just want to be with my family. I've hardly talked to most of my friends in the last 4 months that we've been in living in Oberlin, and I don't feel like explaining my life. I don't feel like telling everyone about the RRC institute or about the Reconstructionist movement. I don't feel like explaining my plans for the future. I don't feel like explaining what I do with my time in Oberlin. I don't feel like being around people. So far I've only seen Stuart and Mary, and I spent the night babbling like there was no off button. I don't feel like doing that with more people and feeling like a complete moron. I do want to see Sara, who I haven't seen since July of 2004 when she left for Japan; and I do want to see Carly, the one person who I've sort of talked to since we moved; and I do want to see Pam and watch movies and have a slumber party. But I just... Don't have any energy.

And I miss my wife. Have I mentioned that? I was doing fine about missing her while she was in Oberlin. She was busy and so was I, but when we did talk, it was easy. Now that she's home, I don't feel like I can lean on her the same way. I'm just so tired...

Posted to Miscellaneous at 12:42 AM | Comments (2)

November 17, 2005

Look, I'm gonna leave the house!

I'm seeing Harry Potter 4 at midnight tonight. Lauren and I are going with her coworker Sherri and her husband Nick. Considering that I like Harry Potter but am not a fanatic and considering that Sherri has never even read the books (something I plan to have words with her about tonight while we're sitting in the theater for an hour and a half before the movie starts), and considering that the nearest theater with a midnight showing is over a half hour away, it's sort of weird that we're doing this. My theory is that we're people who usually go to bed by 10 or 11 pm, so it feels like we're doing something special by staying up until 3:30 am. It makes me feel so YOUNG. (ha)

Speaking of which, I should go take a nap. I should also go try to find a summary of the 4th book online, because everything before book 5 is fuzzy in my mind.

Posted to Mindless Entertainment at 01:59 PM | Comments (2)

November 15, 2005

Maybe my visit with my family next week will fill some of my need...

I'm nesting again. I mean, it's not like I ever STOP nesting, but I'm back to constantly thinking about nothing but babies, home ownership, babies, dogs, and babiesbabiesbabies.

I think I've spent the majority of my sickbed time at Edina Realty looking at houses in Minnesota. Houses that we could afford tomorrow. Houses I think we could afford if I get a job. Houses I hope we can afford 10 years from now. Houses we would never, ever be able to afford. Houses for my parents. Houses in neighborhoods I love. Houses in neighborhoods I could deal with. I also look at Craigslist every day to see what there is to rent and what there is to buy.

I even spent several hours redecorating my grandparents' house in my head when I couldn't sleep the other night.

My mom is on board, too. She finds houses and sends them to me. She sent me this gorgeous thing that's way outside of a price we can afford even if I work. And she sent me this one that's way above our price range but beautiful.

I've also had the TV on a lot while I've been sick, but I haven't been watching. However, whenever a baby pops up, my head automatically turns toward the TV so fast that I get whiplash. And I've taken a billion of those indicators that tell you what breed of dog to get. I was already in love with tiny black cockapoos, but I'm now in love with the Yorkipoo as well. I'm naming them in my head.

At this point, I've lost track of where I'm going with this. Just... Please give me a house, a puppy, and a baby?

Posted to Minnesota & Nesting at 12:08 PM | Comments (4)

November 13, 2005

Only in Oberlin...

Only in Oberlin can one be awoken by rowdy kids in the hallway rapping/beatboxing Jewish camp & Shabbat songs at 1:30 in the morning.

Posted to Oberlin at 01:26 AM | Comments (0)

November 12, 2005

just checking in

Today is the first day since we got back that I have actually been able to breathe without wishing I was dead. Whatever cold or bug the other institute participants brought with them to share with me was a real pain in the butt. Today I'm only having coughing fits every few hours and could actually smell my bath products in the shower. Much better than the last few days.

I thought about writing a long entry about last week's institute, but I don't think that anything I have to say would make sense to anyone but me, so I'll leave it by saying that although I don't have any future plans set in stone, my IDEAS for the future are closer to making sense and I'm feeling very calm. I have options, Lauren is with me, and I'm happy.

Obviously, nothing exciting has come about since I got back, since I've been too sick to move. I had to miss both days of class this week. My main activity this week has been reading, memorizing the daytime TV schedule, and counting the days till I go visit MN (as of today, 9). I'm eagerly awaiting a copy of the photo taken of the institute participants on the last day, since I really really liked all those people, and I'm trying to make plans to see some people when I go home, although I don't think I'm going to have as much time as I had hoped.

Lauren and I decided not to go on Birthright this winter. There were too many things saying that it wasn't the right time, the right trip, the right circumstances. I'm disappointed, but we still have 2 more chances before Lauren doesn't qualify anymore. We'll apply again. And if it comes down to it and we can never go on Birthright, we'll find a way to go to Israel in another way. It's really important to me to go, and I think that as Lauren is becoming more invested in her religious and spiritual identity, it will become as important to her as well.

That's all. Life over here is boring these days. Boring, but good.

Posted to Miscellaneous at 04:18 PM | Comments (1)

November 08, 2005

maybe I'll say more later...

I'm home. I'm sick.

The insitute was very emotion-provoking for me, and I met some absolutely amazing people. I don't have the energy to say much more, but I'm so glad we went, even though I was put through the emotional ringer.

I feel better about myself and my path than I can ever remember feeling before.

Posted to Jew-mania at 02:16 PM | Comments (0)