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November 25, 2005

fine, an update

So, I'm home in Minnesota. And I'm tired. I'm so tired that I've debated starting this entry about 17 times in the last hour and decided I was too tired to go into anything of importance repeatedly. I've finally decided to give it a go.

I don't think I've mentioned anything in any incarnation of my journal, but for the last year, my grandpa has been having some major health problems. Now, it's absolutely normal for an 80 year old to have health problems, but these came on out of the blue in a man who's always been very active and independent. Over the course of the last year, things have continued to get worse and worse, despite all the efforts to figure out what was going on. Really recently, they finally diagnosed him with normal pressure hydrocephalus and scheduled him to have the brain surgery used as a treatment for mid December.

However, when I arrived on Monday, the first thing my mom told me was that my grandpa had to be taken to the hospital the previous day and that things were so bad that they were trying to move his surgery to sometime this week. Now, I've talked to my grandpa about this surgery a few times in the last month or so, and he was scared, but also really glad that a possible improvement was in sight. Still, this week was really hard on all of us. The last year has been really hard on us. It's so difficult to see someone rapidly become a completely different person for what appears to be no reason at all. So his surgery was yesterday, and it's hard to say where things are right now. The surgery itself went fine, but of course today was the day after and he wasn't very comfortable. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Right now, though, I'm just so tired. My whole family is tired. Our Thanksgiving dinner only lasted 2 hours. My dad, who normally gets up before the sun, slept until 8 am today. We all took naps today. I don't even know why I'm awake except that I had to push to stay awake when I first got tired at 8 pm and I haven't been able to stop pushing.

I also have no interest in seeing anyone right now. I'm trying to keep as many of the plans I made before getting here as possible, because I do miss my friends, but mostly, I just want to be with my family. I've hardly talked to most of my friends in the last 4 months that we've been in living in Oberlin, and I don't feel like explaining my life. I don't feel like telling everyone about the RRC institute or about the Reconstructionist movement. I don't feel like explaining my plans for the future. I don't feel like explaining what I do with my time in Oberlin. I don't feel like being around people. So far I've only seen Stuart and Mary, and I spent the night babbling like there was no off button. I don't feel like doing that with more people and feeling like a complete moron. I do want to see Sara, who I haven't seen since July of 2004 when she left for Japan; and I do want to see Carly, the one person who I've sort of talked to since we moved; and I do want to see Pam and watch movies and have a slumber party. But I just... Don't have any energy.

And I miss my wife. Have I mentioned that? I was doing fine about missing her while she was in Oberlin. She was busy and so was I, but when we did talk, it was easy. Now that she's home, I don't feel like I can lean on her the same way. I'm just so tired...

Posted to Miscellaneous at November 25, 2005 12:42 AM

Comments

Posted by: Melanie at November 25, 2005 01:51 AM

Posted by: Devin at November 25, 2005 02:32 PM