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October 06, 2005

Rosh-Hashanah Recap

Note: I've been using a lot of Jewish terms lately. I know a lot of people who read this aren't Jewish, so if you would like me to link to definitions and/or explain terms in the entries themselves, please comment and I'll be happy to do so from here on out.

I realized the other day that I actually lied earlier when I said I hadn't been to Rosh Hashanah services since 1998; it's actually more like 1993. After that, I gained the coveted Old-Enough-to-Babysit-at-the-Synagogue status and spent my high holidays in the preschool reading the little kids books like Everyone Poops and making sure that the kid covered in snot didn't get left out during playtime in the gymnasium. It's possible that I attended one or two services in the five year period following my Bat Mitzvah, but mainly, my high holidays were spent trying to untangle clenched little fists from my hair and/or jewelry.

So Tuesday was an even bigger deal than I had previously realized. We got to services right on time, despite having to make an unexpected stop on the way. I can't believe that, after living in a city full of Jews my whole life, we drove an hour to attend services, but we did. At first I was a little uncomfortable. Besides my typical tendency to be completely freaked out in new settings, this shul was very different from the Recon shul in Minneapolis. Out of all the people there (maybe 150 or so?) I could only identify two potential hippies. Compare to our Shabbat services at Mayim Rabim: out of 12 people, 10 were clearly hippies. Also, there were a lot of older people there, which I guess I foolishly didn't expect at all. In my mind, this is a movement for people my parents' age and younger. Very ignorant of me.

Anyway, the first part of the service was sort of uncomfortable for me, mainly because I didn't know any of the tunes to the prayers. For me, that's the MOST isolating thing that could happen at services. It's the one thing that has kept me away from more Jewish experiences than I can count, and it's by far the most difficult thing about making the transition from Conservative to Reconstructionist for me. But I tried to remind myself of two things: 1) I don't really know the Conservative Rosh Hashanah tunes either, and 2) If the Conservative movement was fulfilling for me, I wouldn't be doing something new.

And, as usual, I regained my equilibrium during the Amidah. For me, that prayer, the silent time when I can both give myself a good solid pep talk with no interuptions and also actually PRAY has always been the make-or-break element in a service. It's very important to me to know that everyone around me is also focusing on an inward spiritual moment at the same time I am. At this shul, they designate that time for meditation, and even though it's the one time that I DO pray, I appreciate that verbage.

After the Amidah, I felt much more comfortable. I had settled in and felt a part of the community. The Torah service followed that, and since the tunes for that are the same everywhere, it was another equalizer. The only thing that threw me off was when the Haftorah was said in English. In fact, I had no idea that the Haftorah was over until they started the prayers that follow it.

I enjoyed the D'var Torah, although it was very long. The rabbi talked about how this year begins a 3 year cycle wherein Ramadan falls at the same time as the Jewish High Holidays. This won't happen again until 2028. He talked about how this symbolizes an opportunity that we have to create a positive relationship and besides talking about the work that needs to be done, he talked about some positive things that are already happening. I wish his D'var Torah was online, so I could link to it, but I'll keep watching for it and put up a link later if he posts it.

After that, all that was left was the shofar. By that time, all the kids (and oh my goodness were there a lot of kids!) had come to the main "sanctuary" and were sitting on the stairs next to our chairs. In fact, I had trouble paying attention to part of the D'var Torah because they were so damn cute. The little ones were just great.

I do have to stop for a moment, though, to vent. There were a few high school age kids in jeans and t-shirts. I know that standards have changed since I was a kid, and I know that this is not a Conservative shul, but WOW. My parents would have disowned me if I had worn jeans to High Holiday services. My mom didn't even let me wear PANTS to SHABBAT services until I was in college.

We noticed this trend in Minneapolis when we went to Shabbat at the LGBT Reform shul, but that was Shabbat. Still not ok in my book, but this... We're talking about one of the two most holy days of the year. JEANS? Really? And there was one kid playing with an iPod, too. I just don't get it. I don't care if it IS old-fashioned; our kids will be getting dressed up for Shabbat and the High Holidays. In Judaism, it's so important to recognize the separation of the regular days from the special days, and I can't imagine dressing like a regular day for those occasions.

Anyway, back to our day. We didn't stick around after the service. I needed to leave and sort of process stuff, and no one had said hi to us at that point, so it felt ok to leave. We also didn't go to Tashlich, although it might have been nice to go, since I've never been to that. We didn't go back the next day, either, since Lauren had to work. I had originally planned to go to Oberlin services on Wednesday, but every time I come in contact with the Oberlin Jewish community, I walk away feeling unworthy and unwanted, and that's exactly what I'm working to move past, so I decided to skip it. I think I made the right choice.

All in all, it was a really positive experience. It was very new, and a little uncomfortable, but as I reminded myself during my Amidah pep talk, the only way that something new becomes something familiar is to keep exposing myself to it and to keep an open mind. I feel really good about that and I'm more than ready to return next week for Kol Nidre and Yom Kippur. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm looking forward to attending Shabbat services there in the future, too. And maybe getting involved in other ways, too.

Even if it is a whole hour away. Stupid Ohio.

Posted to Jew-mania at October 6, 2005 01:26 PM

Comments

Posted by: Faeryguinevere at October 6, 2005 02:02 PM

Posted by: Jenny at October 10, 2005 11:31 PM