« See? I'm not always a grump. | Main | Catching up »

October 12, 2005

A little non-concrete reflection...

Yom Kippur starts tonight, and I know this is kind of weird, but I'm excited for it. Even as a kid, I really liked it. There's something very satisfying about doing something other than just thinking and talking to show that you have remorse for your wrong-doings.

Maybe it's just the Lisa Simpson in me ("Grade me! Evaluate me!") but I enjoy Yom Kippur.

When I was little, my parents wouldn't let me fast, which was right of them. But in our house, even me and my brothers gave something up for Yom Kippur. Each year our parents had us choose something to give up for the day that we really liked; that meant that at least one of us gave up TV. Other common items were video games, books, and action figures.

My parents said that the reason for this was that even if our bodies weren't grown up enough to fast, it was important to show God that we were so sorry about the mistakes we had made that we would give up something important. That meant something to me as a kid, and I plan to do the same thing as a parent, even though I won't use the word "God", being that I don't believe in the traditional God figure.

I remember the first Yom Kippur after my Bat Mitzvah, when I was finally allowed to fast. It was the one and only thing about my new status as a Jewish adult that mattered to me. The truth is, it wasn't anything religious that spoke to me, but the idea of not eating for a 27 hours (or whatever it is) called out to my competitive nature. Not only that, but the challenge had been built up for the previous 13 years until I was convinced of its meaning.

I made it that year. I fasted longer than my mom, who almost always broke her fast when she prepared the Break Fast meal. I was very proud.

Since then, I've only fasted three or four times. Knowing that I COULD do it sort of took away the reason for doing it for me, especially as a teenager who was trying to make a break from Judaism. This year, I'm fasting again with a new purpose. To me, it will make a statement about my commitment to my path in life. It's also a tie to my community, to the millions of people all over the world throughout time who have fasted on this day to atone. I will think about how I can be a better Rebecca in the upcoming year, and although I don't believe in sins, exactly (it just sounds so Christian...), I will be meditative about my wrong-doings.

This is my chance to commit to making 5766 a great year in my life. If I "screw up" the chance, I can start over, of course, but I can also appreciate the symbolism of a fresh start at the right time of the year.

I'm looking forward to joining with my community and showing my commitment. I'm not the type to say, "Easy fast!" to anyone, but I will say that I hope that anyone who participates in this ritual this year gets out of it what they were looking for.

Posted to Jew-mania at October 12, 2005 11:17 AM

Comments

And now we start z'man simchateinu. ;)

I always wanted to fast when I was small. My parents didn't really let us, but they let us think we were... We were allowed to not eat until we were too cranky not to. So my memories of being small on Yom Kippur involve a lot of macaroni and cheese, or hot dogs, or grilled cheese sandwiches... stuff that was easy for my mom not to pick at so she wouldn't break her own fast.

By the time I was old enough to really fast, though, my grandparents had moved down here, and my Nana... would break the fast at 11am if she could. So our family tradition became to do it early - because it was a family affair.

I actually managed to fast for the second time since my Nana died this year. I wish there were something I could say I gained from it... I feel strangely guilty that the only ties I feel to Judaism are cultural.

Posted by: Jenny at October 14, 2005 04:57 PM